At least I’m not a drug addict

I went to Redbox today to find something new to watch and came across a new Jennifer Aniston flick called Cake. It’s about a woman who has chronic pain due to a really bad car accident that left her with steel pins in her legs, and also killed her only child. The woman is basically miserable; popping Percocet like skittles, swearing at everyone in sight, gets kicked out of her pain support group, and her husband leaves her. And as I was watching this really tragic story I couldn’t help but think, “shit, thank goodness I’m not this messed up”.

I know a lot of people out there have different perceptions of my daily existence. And sure, there were some parts of that movie where I was like “wow, that happens to other people too?” To be clear though, never throughout my day am I popping pills like candy. Laying in bed staring at the ceiling and asking the air  “Why? Why? Why?”, yes there is some of that.

This morning I woke up and I couldn’t move my hands. They were in such a large amount of pain that I couldn’t even open my easy-open pill box to take my AM medications. I turned on the sink faucet with my elbows and filled the basin with hot water. Then with my knees, opened my Epsom salt jar to add to the basin. After soaking my hands and wrists for ten minutes I was finally able to open my pills. Huzzah!

And wanna know how many I took? The correct amount. Because at the end of the day, what is taking more pills than recommended going to do for me besides making me more sick and/or possibly killing me? My medicines never fully take the pain away. So taking more won’t do me any good. Plus, I have no desire to die before my time.

I don’t understand drug addicts. I mean I get that they want to feel good, even if it’s only for a small while. And that there’s some sort of rush involved. But why bring death closer? I’m not into the game of cheating death, or seeing how long I can last if I do horrible things to myself. I figure I’m already in a race I didn’t sign up for, and my teammates are Rheumatoid Disease and Cancer. But what they don’t know is that I’m quick. I may not look speedy, but may be that’s my disguise.

So I guess the point of this post today is that even though things can be falling down all around me, I’m going to do ok. Things could be worse right?

Where’s some wood…. I need to start knocking…

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About sixthousandsteps

In March of 2013, I was diagnosed with chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis and was told my disease was very aggressive. Every day since then has been an ongoing struggle and life lesson on how to stay positive and keep fighting. This blog is a glimpse of how it all came to be, and who knows what the future holds.

Posted on June 16, 2015, in The Journey. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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