Forgive the inconvenience of my disease

This may end up being more of a rant than a regular post today. I’m just so frustrated that I need to get my thoughts out before they boil up inside my head and explode. I’m sick. This is clear to everyone by now. I don’t work, because I can’t. But contrary to popular belief, I don’t just sit on my ass all day watching tv and stuffing my face with Ho-Ho’s.

I have a routine. One that keeps me busy every single day. If I’m not headed into town to a doctor’s appointment, or to the hospital for a procedure or treatment, I’m busy doing things at home. A routine keeps me focused. I like organization and scheduling. It keeps me sane.

I wake up every day at 5:30am and make breakfast. I take my medicine. I clean the cats litter box. I sweep and vacuum the stray grains of litter from the hardwood floors. I take my laundry downstairs and sort it. I rest. I shower. I read. I write my blog. I open my mail and organize my bills and paperwork. I color in my books. I rest. I make calls to doctor’s offices and friends. I look for apartments online. I pack my belongings. I rest. I watch 1-2 episodes of something on Netflix. I make lunch. I play with my cats. I take my medicine. I take a long afternoon nap. I send emails and donation reminders. I call family. I rest.

The point is, I stay busy. There is NEVER a day where I sit around in my PJ’s and watch tv for 8 hours and eat and eat and eat. And if I’m ill, if I’m in bed sick and unable to move, then I’m sleeping, trying to get better.

No I am not “living the life”.

No it isn’t “awesome to do nothing all day” because that’s not what I’m doing.

No, my illness isn’t like “being on vacation all the time”.

I stay busy. I make calls. I keep in touch. I make the time to talk to you.

This is where my frustration begins. When people who are in similar ‘no work’ situations like me, whether it’s retirement, disability, unemployment etc and they tell me they don’t have time to keep in touch. Really?  You can’t take 5 minutes out of your entire week to dial my number and say hello? You are so busy going to the beach, surfing, shopping, napping, BBQ-ing, writing cards, playing golf, and watching movies, that you can’t take FIVE MINUTES to call me quick and ask how I’m doing, or send me an email, or even a text. But you are capable of having the audacity to tell me that I’m being rude by not keeping in touch with you. You know keeping in touch goes both ways. Contrary to whatever you think I’m up to, I’m still the one that’s SICK.  I’m over here quietly freaking out about my continually changing diagnosis, spending hours with my head hanging over a toilet vomiting out chemotherapy side effects, and still I find time to send an email or a text or call.  But if it’s not frequent enough for you, if I haven’t updated you fast enough, it’s perfectly okay for you to insult me and my life, but not pull your own phone out and make the call yourself.

Am I to assume that you’ve forgotten how to dial? Are you so busy that you can’t reach out and contact me? Is it an insane idea for you to think that maybe I haven’t called because I’m sick and don’t feel well? Or that I just haven’t called again because you haven’t returned my last four voicemails…

Yes, I guess I am terribly sorry that in my volatile sick state I haven’t continually gone out of my way to contact YOU. Forgive me if you please. I didn’t realise my illness is so inconvenient for your time.

Please visit my donation page at:

Christine Lilley’s Life Fund

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