That’s what my body feels like.
Like every single bone has shattered, and the pieces are just bouncing around inside my skin.
Every movement is an excruciating practice in immobility.
Standing is impossible. My feet feel like they are made of broken bones, pushed together as if in a sand box with no escape. Each step worse than the one before.
My shoulders feel dislocated, my elbows cracked. If I move my arms above my head I can almost feel the pieces rubbing together, mocking me with their torturous pain.
It all feels broken.
My hips laugh at me as my whole body shakes in a desperate attempt to get comfortable. They mock me as I feel bone grind against bone.
My hands look deformed. Each finger swollen beyond recognition, purple and distorted. Once long and slender, all they look like now are the broken tools of something that once was.
I cry. And it hurts. The broken feeling bones shake under my skin as I take deep breaths attempting to regain control of this body that doesn’t feel like mine.
I feel broken.
It feels broken.
I am broken.
Posted on September 4, 2015, in The Journey and tagged broken, broken bones, chronic illness, chronic pain, invisible illness, pain, rheumatoid arthritis, Rheumatoid Disease. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.