I don’t know where to go from here. The pain rises and rises and never ends. It won’t go away, I know that now. All those hours, days, weeks, months where I deluded myself into believing I would heal. That remission was around the corner and not the dream that it really is. It feels like I’m lost in the labyrinth of pain. Every corridor stretching on for miles with no end to the suffering. Somewhere is a door, a way out. But I don’t think I will find it. It’s too far down the rabbit hole. I don’t feel strong enough to find it.