Numb

At first, I can feel the cool linoleum underneath my feet. It’s flat, cold, and hard. I never remember to put my bedroom slippers on when I use the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning. If I lived anywhere with a cooler climate mom would probably warn me that I’m catching death from the cold.

My head jerks up.
I’ve snoozed. Damn narcoleptic tendencies…or maybe it’s just that it’s 3am and my body wishes it were back in the warmth and comfort of bed, and not still sitting on this toilet. I move to grasp some toilet paper and realise something is terribly wrong.
My feet are asleep. But that’s not it. I mean they feel numb, but not in the familiar foot falling asleep way. Something is wrong. They aren’t just numb. I can’t feel the them at all.

Panic. Am I paralyzed?

In the fear, I stand up quickly to go into my room, and instantly fall to the floor. It’s a heavy fall, and the threadbare bath mat doesn’t lend much to soften the blow. Since my bathroom is so small I am lucky to have not hit my head on the sink on the way down. A concussion in this empty apartment would not be good. Who know how long it would take for someone to find my lifeless body, or a comatose one.

My feet won’t allow me to stand. It’s like having nothing at the end of my shins at all. I crawl on knees and balled up fists to the bedroom and after many attempts, throw my body upwards onto the bed and stare at my feet.

My poor feet.

What has happened? An allergic reaction perhaps? Or is it just the  side effects that always seem to pop up every time I try a new medication. Whatever it is, my feet feel no pain, no warmth or cold. Nothing. I massage them hoping to jump start a lively round of pins and needles…. But nothing. I run a wartenberg wheel along the base, which usually causes squeals and jerky movements….

Nothing.

So this is what I have to get used to I guess. Random periods of numb. Feeling will come and go. This is what I have to look forward to.

Numbness.

Numb.

I am numb.

Inside or out.

Advertisements

About sixthousandsteps

In March of 2013, I was diagnosed with chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis and was told my disease was very aggressive. Every day since then has been an ongoing struggle and life lesson on how to stay positive and keep fighting. This blog is a glimpse of how it all came to be, and who knows what the future holds.

Posted on December 7, 2015, in The Journey. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Have you been checked out?

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: