Me, Myself, and I

As someone who has a lot of time on their hands, I find myself on social media quite a bit. It’s easy as pie to just tap my phone to see what’s been posted on Facebook or Twitter, or to have a quick laugh on Reddit. Quite honestly, I probably check my Facebook status anywhere from 15-30 times a day. A bit excessive yes I know, but be honest with yourselves, you do it too! Seriously, why don’t you go ahead and count sometime… I bet you’ll be surprised at how often you do it.

I think it’s part of human nature, the incessant desire to never miss out on anything. We want to be a part of everything and anything, and we feel let down if we aren’t “in the know”. This could pertain to anything too, be it sports scores, which celebrity is shagging another, your own friends relationship status updates, or how many potato chips the girl who’s dieting in the cubicle next to yours just ate. We have to know each other’s business, secrets, feelings, happiness, and pain. It’s just the way it is. We are obsessed with information.

My own personal vice is Who has read my blog?

I constantly check my stats on WordPress and Facebook. Has anyone new read them? Did they like what I wrote, did they leave a comment? Do people understand what I’m feeling? Am I making sense? Do they connect with the words on a spiritual level, or a physical one? Or do they even read them at all?

Have you ever noticed that you can post something online like a really long status update that’s a few paragraphs, or a blog, or an article, and people click like within seconds of you posting it? What exactly is it that they are liking? Cause it’s not your post, there’s no way they read it hat quick. So basically they like that you posted anything at all. And then you have no frame of reference on whether someone truly liked what you posted because they are just obsessive “clickers”. Someone posts something and hey are compelled to immediately react to it. Drives me nuts.

But why am I really annoyed by this? I mean, I don’t write my blog for anyone but me. Seriously. I may say that I love checking my stats and enjoy reading comments left, but at the end of the day, my blogs are for me, myself, and I. They are a way for me to express my darkest thoughts and feelings. Because in a way, they don’t feel read until I put pen to paper, or in this case-stylus to kindle. When I see my words, my feelings, my thoughts, well, that’s when they become real. It’s like saying something out loud makes it real for some people, well, writing it down makes it real for me.

It helps catalogue my thoughts, wishes, and dreams. I can always go back through them and remember exactly how I felt on that one day. Just like a diary, my blog is an extension of who I really am on the inside. So maybe my obsession with stats checking is really more about wanting to validate that people around me understand how I’m feeling.

In my last blog I talked about realizing my fears. Actualizing them and understanding how they affect my life and how in reality they have made me who I am today. Before writing that blog I lived in the fear of people knowing what I’m really feeling. I was saving their feelings and making them comfortable by not sharing my truths. And for what? So they don’t have to feel bad about my disease. What a senseless waste of time that was. Why should I hide what was really going on? Why were others comforts more important to me than my own? I guess I realized I was people pleasing, something that I’ve given up in recent days. I learned through putting my feelings out there that I was doing more damage than good. Mind blown.

Life is a journey. We learn new things every day, especially about ourselves. It took me three years to learn to put myself first. That time frame sounds ridiculous when I think about it, but that was my reality. But then I put my feelings into words and made the necessary changes. That’s what my blog helps me do. Realize what needs to change, how I can grow, and make it happen through actions.

Todays life lesson and realization is that social media does nothing for us if we aren’t commiting to being real and being ourselves. You’re not doing anyone any favors by liking every single thing that’s posted, or checking statuses every two minutes. You’re just feeding a compulsion to know information that isn’t necessary for your life. What we should really be focusing on is OURSELVES. What helps us move forward and grow. My life isn’t going to change drastically if I have more followers on Twitter or WordPress. The only thing that should matter is me, myself, and I. How I live, how I learn, how I grow. Everything else is just  fodder. It’s time to remember that I am here for me.

 

 

If you would like to help support me, please visit my page here to learn more about my journey. Thank you.

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About sixthousandsteps

In March of 2013, I was diagnosed with chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis and was told my disease was very aggressive. Every day since then has been an ongoing struggle and life lesson on how to stay positive and keep fighting. This blog is a glimpse of how it all came to be, and who knows what the future holds.

Posted on April 12, 2016, in The Journey and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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