Have you noticed how texting seems to be the only way people communicate these days? We now live in a world where we feel naked without our cellphones, and texting has become our life line with the rest of society.
When I was 17, and in college, my mom bought me my first cellphone. I was so stoked about it, because unlike a lot of my peers, I never had a pager which was all the rage in the 90’s. I quickly became quite proficient in texting with one hand, usually by my side, unbeknownst to whichever professor was droaning on at the time. This was also around the same time that I got my first computer, and was introduced to the wonders of the internet. I’d used the web before, but having a personal computer opened up the world of chat rooms, Napster, and instant messaging, that I’d never had access to in the past. Instant Messenger, texting’s online bosom buddy, allowed me to be whomever I wanted when talking online. Without having to deal with social inadequacies and shyness, I could have long conversations with friends and strangers, and in many ways, it boosted my confidence for in person conversations as well.
18 years later, and countless cellphones and computers having come and gone, I feel like our lives have been taken over by something that once seemed so helpful. Not having to have a full conversation with someone just to ask a quick question, was made easy by text messaging. You could avoid a phone call with an awkward acquaintance by just sending an email. But when did our lives get taken over by shortcuts?
A few weeks ago, my cellphone alarm pinged to let me know it was a close friends birthday. And without even thinking, I punched out a quick “Happy Bday” text to the person, followed by a post on their Facebook page. It wasn’t until I had finished that I realised how very impersonal of a gesture that was. This was one of my closest friends, and all I was doing was sending a text? And it’s not like I didn’t have the time to call…. I’m disabled, living and working at home, all I have is time… I started to scroll through my contacts to call her and wish her happy birthday like a decent person should, but then I stopped. I remembered that they had only sent me a Facebook post on my own birthday, a few weeks prior, and hadn’t called either. It’s not this fact that stopped me from making my own call, but a thought occurred to me that maybe it just wasn’t that important to them, that maybe social media was their preferred way of contact. And so I just left it, opting to do nothing more.
But the memory of the ordeal has lingered with me for weeks now. I am constantly reminded of scenarios that have happened in recent years where texting has not served me well. One of these circumstances was the ending of a relationship a few years ago. A boyfriend of mine and I were not getting along very well, and after a long night of texting back and forth, we ended our relationship. The very next morning I thought how preposterous it was that we would break up over text. There are no nuances in texting. You can’t see the expressions of the person you are talking to, nor hear the tone of their voice. So much can be lost in translation. And yet, we left it as is, and did not ever try to talk about it in person.
Someone once told me that you are at your most honest when you are drunk, because your inhibitions are lowered, and you speak more freely. I believe this is the same with texting and instant messaging. You aren’t looking directly at someone, so you often say a lot more than you would, because you have no audience. You can hide from rejection, or dislike, or answers you don’t want to hear, because you aren’t face to face. You can’t see the other parties expressions, and that gives you a certain amount of freedom to be who you want to be without instant repercussions.
Social media is a lot like this as well. The personal page phenomenon brought to us by MySpace and Facebook, have allowed us to be whomever we want to be online. Sure, people see you, but it’s the You that you decide on. You control what pictures you post, you control what personal details you share, and you even decide what comments you write. You have the ability to remake yourself in a sense. Of course, those who know you well, know the truth. So you can’t get away with to many “remakes” of the reality, without getting caught out.
I’ve often been bewildered looking at people’s pages that post the opposites of what their lives are really like. People who have complained of being in dead end relationships to their close friends, end up posting pictures of the perfect marriage online. Or people who are struggling with finances post pictures of themselves purchasing vacations or going on shopping sprees. Why do we do that, do you suppose? Why is it so important to us to show everyone a different reality? Why do we portray ourselves differently online or through text messaging?
And when did texting and email and social media become the only way to communicate? Are we afraid to have real conversations with people? What do we fear they will hear in our voices? The truth? Sadness? Loneliness? Our online lies?
Are we supposed to feel loved when receiving a text message asking how we are doing? Are we supposed to feel supported? This person took five seconds from their day to send me an eight word message, I guess they really care? When did we stop making the time to really check in on each other? When did we put texting and social media before our relationships with one another?
And where will we be in another eighteen years? Will conversations be completely redundant by then? I don’t think I want to know.