The Why

After you’ve been sick for awhile you start to be confronted with questions from those around you. See, despite their desire to be supportive, most won’t really understand. Some may not even believe you, not that they would admit that to your face. They look up Mr. Google and find what they want or would prefer to believe.

That’s when the “cure” conversations start. We all know which ones I mean. The diet fads, the magic moon rocks, and the stories of their sisters best friends cousins hairdresser having what you have and was cured by wheatgrass juice. As if we haven’t tried everything under the sun not to feel this way. As if all of us chronically ill would rather live in sickness and pain than live a full healthy life.

Just a heads up for those of you reading this that are in that group.. We do not sit on couches watching Netflix all day and eat bonbons. Most of us can’t work because it’s too hard to stand/sit all day and not be in pain, or fall asleep. In 2014, my employers forced me onto disability because I didn’t want to stop working. Having to file for Social Security was one of the most humiliating things I’ve ever gone through. A 33 year old women standing in court begging for someone to help her before she ended up living in a box.

FYI: NO SELF RESPECTING PERSON WANTS TO GO THROUGH THAT.

If only you could see how often we wonder why this happened to us. Those of us who were healthy and fit when we were diagnosed…we struggle with what our bodies have become. We can’t exercise, we can’t sleep, we gain weight, we lose it, and it’s nothing to do with our diet. Our bodies are destroying themselves from the inside out and we are forced to watch.

So before you ask someone “Why are you sick?”, maybe take a moment to think about what you’re asking. How can you judge us and our bodies when you have no idea what we are going through? How do you expect us to answer when our doctors can’t even explain why.

I have Rheumatoid Disease, Osteoporosis, Lung Disease, and Lupus.

Why? Well, I don’t know. Wanna know what I do know?

I know there is no cure.

I know that I may live a shorter life span.

I know that my body can only survive with chemicals that are poison.

And that I am doing the best I can with what I have and what I know.

That’s The Why.

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About sixthousandsteps

In March of 2013, I was diagnosed with chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis and was told my disease was very aggressive. Every day since then has been an ongoing struggle and life lesson on how to stay positive and keep fighting. This blog is a glimpse of how it all came to be, and who knows what the future holds.

Posted on February 6, 2018, in The Journey. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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