So its not the Apocalypse then?

I know. I know. Its been forever since I’ve written…

Here’s the thing. You’d think that the Apocalypse would be a great time to write about life and all the things. As it turns out, even when you think the world is ending, and everyone is walking around with the new plague, even then… You’ll watch Tiger King on repeat before you update anything else in your life.

All those people who tweet about needing time off from busy lives so they can redecorate their houses, clean out their closets, or work on themselves… Turns out they were all wrong, and we are all lazy as fuck and would rather watch ALL OF NETFLIX before doing anything productive. I am totally one of those people. I spent the first four weeks of lock down baking more than I ever have in life, and eating my body weight in chocolate. OK, that is a gross exaggeration but you totally know where I’m going with that. Instagram is filled with hashtags about “quarantine living” and the oh-so-regrettable “quarantine fifteen”. (insert face palm here)

So, I will admit that today, when I find out New Zealand is ending its lock down in three days, today is the day I finally come back to you. 51 days of lock down, and countless before that when I was free as a bird… Today I find my words and rejoin the internet writers population.

I found a meme yesterday that basically describes everything this year (pictured). Its Luis from Ant-Man explaining in his signature elongated style about all the things that have happened in 2020. My favorite part is “murder hornets invading”. Its not a true Apocalypse unless something ridiculous happens.

However a plague that has infected millions is less ridiculous, and fairly scary. I’ve re-watched “I Am Legend”, “Contagion”, and “28 Days Later” a LOT recently.

However, its looking less like an apocalyptic event now that some countries (like the one I currently reside in) are reopening and rebuilding economies. I know for all those crazy flat-earthers this may be a setback in their doomsday plans… Chill guys. I’m sure you’ll get another chance..

So, what does a post-pandemic era look like for me? Well, first of all I’m not an idiot, just cause my country is releasing some restrictions, does not for a second mean that we couldn’t still be overwhelmed with cases. Our borders will remain closed for a long time. Maybe some people will be heading out mask less and go back to their lessened hand-washing traditions -EWWW!!!- but, as someone who is immune-compromised ALWAYS, not much will change for me. I’ll still be careful in crowds, still tense up when I hear a sneeze on the bus, and wash my hands religiously because that’s just plain common sense!

I’ve been to the hospital twice for Infliximab infusions since our lock down started. Each time I was tested at the door of the hospital for fever symptoms, and had to wear masks and gloves the whole time. Which, for those of you who don’t know, is HOURS! Anyone who has worn a mask for longer than an hour feels my pain. As great as they are for slowing the spread of germs, they are also a mini sweat box for your face. I overheat so easily, and after 30 mins in a mask my face feels like its been in a steam room. You’re overheated and very aware of your dental skills, which will only get better after prolonged oral sweat box use. Ugh.

My mom and I have taken walks along the water, and lamented at the emptiness of the city. I’ve gone to the grocery store once a week, which was nerve-wracking as well as infuriating. I became well aware very early on that there are people who don’t give a crap about anyone but themselves, and flout the rules excessively. Also, this will be the last year that I live without a pet. Animal therapy is so very important for my mental and spiritual health.

So, what will I do when my freedom is given back to me in two days? Visit friends and play with their pets! Visit the cat cafe when it reopens. Catch up with friends. Visit my tattoo artist. Order a meal at a restaurant that hasn’t been cooked by me or mom! And… stay at home like I always do because that’s what living with chronic illness has always been for me.

I know, boring, right?

Oh well, at least I am back here with you. Words, thoughts, and emotions, as often as I can, and as often as you care to hear them.

Uber Saved The Day

About forty-five minutes ago I was standing in an aisle of Whole Foods trying to grasp why they stocked my Tazo Chai concentrate with the cereal. Twenty-five minutes ago when my productive day turned into something else.

It was as I was grabbing a carton from the lower shelf that an old, short Chinese woman came out of nowhere, pushing her cart with the ferocity of one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. She drove her cart through the aisle not caring who or what was in her path, pushing aside a younger man who was presumably reading an ingredient list, before descending upon me. Apparently no one was allowed to be in her vicinity as she too reached for a carton of tea, and in doing so rammed the front right wheel of her grocery cart into my right foot. The same foot that my Podiatrist earlier this week told me I had a torn tendon in. Ow! And about 10 other swear words that I won’t repeat.

Enraged, I look at the woman incredulously, waiting for what I could only imagine would be a profuse apology. Unfortunately, I’d be waiting awhile. Despite my painful howls, and under the breath obscenities, the woman was oblivious to the damage she had caused. Another patron walked over and asked if I was alright and if I needed anything. I loudly exclaimed that an apology would be great while pointedly looking upon my grocery cart attacker, and still, nothing. I was shocked as I watched the woman put carton after carton into her cart, and when it was clear that she needed to grab more which was blocked by my apparently inconvenient placement she finally looked up at me and said, “Hey you move”.

Wow. Just wow.

Needless to say, I didn’t move. I, as well as the good Samaritan that took the time to help me, just stood in her way, staring her down. By this point, the other people the woman had pushed past had gathered a bit, all clearly wondering what her problem was. I’m sure some figured she was perhaps a tourist, who spoke little English, and clearly lacked manners. But I think most of us knew better. This was just one of those people, oblivious to those around them, in a big hurry for no good reason.

I cleared my throat, spoke clear and concise, and said “Excuse me, you just rammed your cart into my foot, which by the way is already hurt. See the bandage?”

The woman frowned at me, looked at my foot, took a hold of her cart, and started to walk away!

FLOORED! SHOCKED! HOW F***ING RUDE!

The good Samaritan, went to stop her by putting his hand on her cart and demanded she apologize to me. She looked at me with a smirk, pushed his hand off her cart, and took off down the aisle, presumably to meet back up with the other horsemen. Bitch. The four other people in the aisle and I just looked at each other. Wow.

I mean I’ve faced rude people before, but this seemed extreme. What is the big rush? Everyone is in such a hurry these days, and it appears like it’s getting worse. People speed in the streets, even if it’s just to get to the next traffic light. Customers drive their carts through stores like their on crack, just to rush home for what? What is so important that they give up safety, manners, and common decency? It’s sad, really.

 

Now after this unfortunate moment had ended, and I limped to the register to pay, I realized I had a real predicament. My already aching foot was now throbbing painfully. Geez, I hope she didn’t break it. And what a depressing thought it was that the bus stop now seemed so far away. Ugh.

And then I remembered it! Uber! My life saver! I pulled out my phone, went into the Uber app and requested a ride. 5 mins later I was in a nice guy’s Toyota Tacoma halfway home, already daydreaming about my foot bath and chocolate ice cream.

So despite my near brush with death, or maybe just amputation by crazy Chinese lady, my day was to be salvaged. Uber saved my day, for the low and affordable price of just $4.76.

Thanks Uber.

Hello Bed!